Canny Caledonian Tied Up; Presto, Does Escape Trick

A wizened little Scotchman named "Scotty" with the degree of R.E.W. (rope escape wizard), amused a large crowd of Deacons last night in the Kirkland Junior Common Room by escaping from the bonds he begged to be trussed up in.

Squirming about on the floor, on treating big Audy Guadielle to "gie it ta me good," the plaid-shirted Houdini, bearing the best of references from Yale, Princeton, and Penn, kept up a steady stream of Scotch brogue while he struggled out of the knots in two seconds flat. Not letting the program leg for a minute, he then broke out into some ballads lauding bonnie Scotland's "nicht nichts" and "Maxwellton's bracs."

Scotty revealed that he plans to show up at the football rally tonight and "defle tuh o' the brawniest payers" to keep him tied up for more than three minutes.