THE CRIME

Last year, on his Sabbatical leave, Kirsopp Lake, Winn Professor of Ecclesiastical History, made a literary pilgrimage to the Vatican Library, where he was given every facility to use the Pope's Five-Mile Shelf of church classics.

One day he was roaming along the bookshelves looking for some ancient tome. As he paced down the gallery a queer little man with a roguish permanent grin came to his side, watching him curiously. Professor Lake was about to ask the stranger if he knew the where-abouts of the needed volume, but before he could say anything the gnomic little man caught him by the arm, and, chuckling a typically library-muted chuckle, pulled him for miles along the gallery. After a long walk in silence they came to a large room, set apart from the rest of the great library, which bore a sign over its closed door: EXPURGATORIA. Inside, in a neat row on the shelves of forbidden books, were all the works of Professor Kirsopp Lake.

* * *

We must record the further adventures of our new President at the many receptions given in his honor. We once gave out the notion that he was shy, but we now think that he has had shyness thrust upon him. Several nights ago the "haute monde" of Back Bay tendered him a reception at Mrs. Hank Gardiner's Palace, Fenway Court. Droves of guests arrived, long before Mr. Conant, and gave their names to the list-checker at the door. Finally a lank man in spectacles appeared at the door, walking towards the dazzling show. He was quickly stopped by the doorman.

"What is your name, please?" asked the guardian of the Lists.

"Mr. Conant, James B. Conant", answered the President. The doorman ran carefully through his list, and found no Conant there.

"I am afraid there is no Conant here ... you cannot enter without an invitation ... How did you spell that again."

"Conant, C-O-N-A-N-T, James B. I am the man in whose honor this reception is being held. ..."

But at that moment a platoon of Harvard Dames caught sight of the unfortunate Mr. Conant, and brought him triumphantly through the door. He soon became the life of the party, despite the splendid presence of Cardinal O'Connell, in his magnificent robes of office.