News

Harvard Quietly Resolves Anti-Palestinian Discrimination Complaint With Ed. Department

News

Following Dining Hall Crowds, Harvard College Won’t Say Whether It Tracked Wintersession Move-Ins

News

Harvard Outsources Program to Identify Descendants of Those Enslaved by University Affiliates, Lays Off Internal Staff

News

Harvard Medical School Cancels Class Session With Gazan Patients, Calling It One-Sided

News

Garber Privately Tells Faculty That Harvard Must Rethink Messaging After GOP Victory

NO CHECKEE -- NO SHIRTEE CRYSTAL BALLEE ALL DIRTEE

By Hu FLUNG Huey

Lord have Marcy on our souls. Welch, Welch, it'll be some Track meet tonight. Gammons one, Gammons Olive you, every last one.

Last year one runner suddenly yelled, "Haydock, my Foote hurts. Ring you fix it cause I can Harding run and I want to Pettingell later tonight. Woodland you'd do something about it!"

The Sage of the Age doesn't know much about track anyway, but his adviser, No Foo Lin says with Cornell, Dartmouth, Harvard, and Yale competing the scores will be 34, 32, 27, and 24. Pick your own winners. Them's the scores and he's Allen for tonight.

Want to keep up with breaking news? Subscribe to our email newsletter.

Tags