"There Has Never Been a Riot in Cambridge and There Never Will Be One," Apted Asserts--"Only Rows," Brennan Agrees

"There never has been a riot in Cambridge and there never will be one," asserted Major C. R. Apted '06, superintendent of care-takers, in an interview last night. "The unpleasantness of last year was mere fiasco. I don't know anything about this talk of having a riot next month to celebrate the anniversary of last year's disturbance. We are always prepared for all emergencies, but I don't know anything about a riot."

When asked if he had taken special precautions to prevent a repetition of the famous Memorial Hall clapper episode a year ago, Major Apted said. "It's our job to maintain the peace; that's all. No, I wouldn't say anything about special preparations even if I had made them. I never make statements."

Captain Michael Brennan of the Cambridge Police when consulted at the Brattle Square Station agreed with Major Apted's statements. "Those rows you fellows have aren't riots. Not a pane of glass broken! Not a person assaulted! And the newspapers called that a riot! It's the newspapers that cause all the trouble--they talk it up until it sounds like a real fight. They love to criticize Harvard men."

The Captain paused in disgust, then turned away to read the teletype as that instrument started clicking. "Young woman missing. Attractive brunette. All upper teeth missing,' the message read.

"Humph! Nothing particularly important," remarked the Captain, then resumed the discussion. "Anything they can say about a Harvard man they say it. Newspapers love to any unpleasant things about people. Now we're equipped to handle any real riot. We've got tear gas bombs, and in a few minutes we could summon two dozen men by telephone. But all this talk about Harvard riots is crazy. Now the Bonus Veterans, put on a real riot. Nope, there hasn't been a Harvard riot in years."