PATENT PENDING

The annual bickering over the opening date of spring is providing the Mathematics Department with a subject worthy of its wizard calculations. Most Harvard men have been so bewildered by the fertility of March in breeding April Hours that they have little spirit left for questions of chronology. It is so much simpler to concede Mr. Einstein a point and admit that the whole thing is purely relative.

Years ago the problem was easily settled. Spring began when the Boylston Professor took his first stroll of the season in the Yard in company with his favorite cow. But the cow died; now it is somebody's duty to find another way to be certain about spring.

Inspired by its sense of responsibility as a moulder of public opinion, the CRIMSON will not go to California and laugh it off. Tireless investigation has uncovered a new but reliable formula which may solve the problem. Climb Lowell House Tower and tap base bell with weather vane (unobtrusively removed from Dunster House at high noon three days before). Number of echoes indicates proper month. Using standard sextant, determine latitude and longitude. Look at watch to find time of day. Multiply sum of these results by the height in rods of new Chapel Tower. By the time this is done, spring will be over and the matter may safely be dropped.