YOU MADE ME THE WAY I AM

Little does the average student realize the mighty forces which have brought him into being. The following statement by Mr. Zuppke, head football coach at the University of Illinois, brings to light a startling discovery: "Competitive athletics became the basis of a virile literature which championed the preservation of the biological urges." In other words, football, tennis, and other sports have been indirect causes of preventing race suicide.

The possibilities opened up by this discovery are innumerable. Margaret Sanger will no longer be able to declare birth control a necessity to prevent overpopulation; her opponents will simply abolish competitive athletics and its dependent literature. Of course, there might be some difficulty in enforcement--"Freddie on the Football Field" would soon become as valuable as "Ulysses". In the same way a nation depopulated by war or famine could make a remarkable comeback by the importation of several footballs and a few stray authors. And as for the college students over emphasis may not be such a bad thing after all.