News
Garber Privately Tells Faculty That Harvard Must Rethink Messaging After GOP Victory
News
Cambridge Assistant City Manager to Lead Harvard’s Campus Planning
News
Despite Defunding Threats, Harvard President Praises Former Student Tapped by Trump to Lead NIH
News
Person Found Dead in Allston Apartment After Hours-Long Barricade
News
‘I Am Really Sorry’: Khurana Apologizes for International Student Winter Housing Denials
Except for a few minor appearances this is my last great day of prognastication. In other years it was always my atonement day when I redeemed false decrees of previous games by predicting the inevitable victory over Yale. Then hard feelings were forgotten, lovely lucre was gathered in from New Haven, and every loyal Harvard man came back from the game saying. "Twas the work of the cooney Oriental."
But this year it is different. I too have gone through an undefeated season: my power has become supreme and the wizards of football have groveled at my feet begging for elemency. But despite all my omnipotence I have been wise and just. Today the epitome of my wisdom will be shown. Despite the three week layoff, the probable wet field, and the strain of being the favored team Harvard will come out on top by a 13 to 6 score.
Now the Sage bows and makes his exit. The trumpeters tremble as they blow farewell. Heels click as attention is called. A toast! Bottoms up! "Aye, he's off for Manchuria."
Want to keep up with breaking news? Subscribe to our email newsletter.