ARE DRY AGENTS PEOPLE?

For some time vague rumors have been afloat that seem to add weight to the presumption that there is a law in this country which prohibits the sale of intoxicating liquors. Rumor also substantiates the claim that in some cases this law has actually been enforced. Whether these preposterous rumors are merely the windblown results of clever journalism or whether there is a porky truth lurking within this hill of beans it is impossible to say Certainly, before the Federal Government forms another sub-committee, it would be wise for all concerned to look into this matter. After all, if it were definitely proved that such a law is in effect at the present time, the next two or three generations would be prepared for any possible decrease in the consumption of liquor which might be forthcoming.

The most interesting phase of research revolves around the enforcement of this law. Who has seen a dry agent? The question is rhetorical; and yet, like the proverbial purple cow, most would rather see than be one. Yesterday, a youth in the back of the classroom, the New York Fraternity Club by name, waved a hand and snapped fingers for attention. According to reputable New York papers, his atmosphere is refined, suave, exclusive. His story was unique: dry agents disguised as college students had invaded his privacy, and while he was blissfully dining, had graciously, quietly removed his choicest liquors, his most courtly domestics.

Although it was alleged that "some difficulty was encountered in procuring the collegiate type", the incident quite definitely shows that dry agents are similar, biologically at least, to the usual specie of human being. A similar step in a considerably better direction is for all the dry agents in the country to form a collegian jazz orchestra for the purpose of working their way to Europe on the Lousitania--which unfortunately has already been sunk.