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8 Takeaways From Harvard’s Task Force Reports

"RECENT RESEARCHES--"

NO WRITER ATTRIBUTED

Although the investigation of what happens to old razor blades seems to have come to a standstill, Dr. Young of the Animal Rescue League has tracked down a mystery which has in the past been equally baffling, in bringing to light the fato which overtakes the wayward cat. According to Dr. Young, these unfortunate felines usually meet an untimely death "on the vivisection table." The significance of this conclusion can scarcely be exaggerated, for it completely explodes the prevalent theory that the absence of such missing pets is due as a rule to protracted honeymoons, to aspirations for a musical career, or to unsuccessful competition with the neighbor's dog.

This latest discovery in the field of animal sociology may also prove a clue to the mysterious silence which has surrounded the University's attitude on the question of keeping the laboratories open after hours. Such a suspicion may be totally unjustified, but if professors in the departments of science are carrying on nefarious and inhumane experiments after dark behind the closed doers of Harvard laboratories, and unfortunately this seems to be the only logical explanation for such a silence, the evil should be exposed and uprooted at once, before it assumes major proportions and jeopardizes the safety of belated biology students. Researches which involve the disappearance of the pets of Beacon Hill are hardly justified even in the name of science.

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