Bootlegger Describes Interesting Incidents of a Very Adventurous and Hazardous Trade

"Business has been pretty quiet lately; you know these hour exams cut in quite a lot. But I guess it ought to pick up plenty this week, eh?" It was one of Harvard's best known bootleggers talking, and it seemed as though he had quite a lot to say.

"What do you think of the situation around here now; have you been having much trouble lately?" he was asked.

"No, not much, but then we have to be pretty careful. These -- state cops are pretty bad in Massachusetts. And specially in Boston. Every one of them is a hypocrite; you can't trust them. No, as a matter of fact, I won't say all of them, because just the other week here I met a real white man, but it isn't very often, I can tell you.

"I'm Licked!"

"You see, I was making a delivery over across the river; I got out of my car and had a couple of packages under my arm. I didn't see any one around, but all of a sudden a motorcycle cop drove up behind me and says, 'What've you got there?' I saw there wasn't any use arguing so I told him. I said 'O. K. I'm licked'. But he says, 'Wait a minute there, don't go so fast;; let's see what we can do about this. Go ahead back and get in your car.'

"I went along while he parked his motorcycle wondering what in hell he had on his mind. Any way I was ready for anything. He came back and says 'Got fifty?'. I reached in my pocket and took out a roll and handed him over fifty. 'That just about cleans me', I said. 'You see I'm new at the game, just started last week'. 'Oh, well in that case', he said, 'no one can say I'm a hog; here take ten back. Now run along and make your deliveries; I'll watch your car while you're gone'.

"But there aren't many like him in Boston."

"New York's a pretty fine city though, don't you think?" The question was put with intent to lead on.

"New York," he said with a sigh and a rapt look in his face. "I'll say it's a good town. Wish I could get down there. But there is one trouble with New York. There's so much competition. It's terrible. There ought to be a law against it.

"But they don't trouble 'em much; that's sure. Why you know they have what they call bargain day in the federal court there every Friday morning. Line all the bootleggers up in the cellar and let 'em go for two dollars apiece. Why don't they try 'em? Listen, the men won't pay a fine of more than five dollars; they'll fight it out and they know that if they're selling decent stuff that no New York jury would ever convict 'em. It's much cheaper for the 'feds' not to press the charge. Sure sounds funny to a guy that works in this g--state.

"Incidentally, you'd be interested in a swell story I heard the other day about a trial out in New Jersey. This fellow was up on a charge of selling beer. The defense was that it wasn't more than one half percent and they'd leave it to the jury to decide. The jury took the whole batch of beer, about 50 bottles or so into the jury room. About three hours later they came out well plastered, and damned if they didn't render a decision of guilty." The lawyer for the defence jumped up and said 'Those men aren't jurors; they're witnesses'. He then aled exceptions on the grounds of intoxication in the jury and lack of evidence, the jury having finished it off. A swell mess allright.

"I wish I could do something great like save President Hoover's life. You know what I'd ask for when they asked me what I wanted for a reward? You know? A license, just a license. Boy, I'd be a millionaire inside of six months. I'd set up right opposite the University and could I make the dough. Wow!

Things Are Busy Now

"Well, I guess I got to be running. Things ought to be getting busier any minute now. Oh, by the way, do you know -- -- who lives over in -- Hall. I thought you did; well just between the four of us, I'll tell you something I heard the other day. I heard he was in the business. I'd like to know if it's so because I'd like to sell to him. I could make him a pretty good proposition. Is there anything in it for you fellows? Say, you could earn your way through college easy. Yes and then have a good deal left. I'll say it's a great game, but believe me you can't get much rest. The last few years that I have been in it have been plenty full of all kinds of excitement. They never really got me but they've come pretty close sometimes. Look at that. See right along the middle of that finger where that scar is. I got that one night out on the road. Yeah a bunch of 'feds' were chasing me and one of them took a shot. It broke the windshield of my car and grazed my fingers, but I got away all right. Guess I was just more of a fool on the sharp corners than they were.

"Well so long fellows; don't forget to let me know if you need anything."