THE CRIME

Rondeau With a Rumble

A rumble seat is not too wide;

(A premise which we've often tried)

On nights when ivory moonlight showed

A tree-lined stretch of asphalt road,

It was a pleasant place to ride.

At public parties we have shied,

Convention held us firmly tied.

It was not so when once we rode A rumble seat.

When Law and Order boast with pride

That all the country has been dried;

When we are under that strict code

'Neath which our forefathers abode,

All right: but leave us-both-inside A rumble seat.

Rumbling is a major sport, if there ever was one. We would, for example, and probably should, before the evening was over, give a considerable sum to go out and rumble for a little while now. It has manifold attributes among which is overemphasis, and its only drawback, so far as we can see, is the possibility of a long cool walk to Cambridge. But tonight, instead of rumbling along, starting quiet towns, we are staying in and rumbling typewriter keys. And, as some one has said, it isn't the heat, it's the humility.

Ballade of the Willing Incompetent

My trousers were terribly tight,

And parted, exposing my rear;

I clutched the hiatus in fright

And dropped on a couch that stood near.

Then Maribel had to appear,

Demanding I meet with her aunt;

I answered her sweetly, "My dear,

I would if I could, but I can't."

We dined at the Hofbrau one night

On sausage and pretzels and beer;

When the man with the check hove in sight.

I suddenly felt very queer.

My stomach grew chilly with fear;

I hadn't a cent in my pant!

But I told him-and brushed off a tear--

"I would if I could, but I can't".

I never have been very bright;

My ideas are withered and sere;

I never know just what is right;

My prospects grow sad and more drear.

My friends stand around me and sneer,

As I get up to rave and to rant;

I never irradiate cheer;--

I would if I could but I can't.

L'Envoi

Gentlemen, this much is clear,--

My-skill is most wonderfully scant.

And so I shall end this just here.

-I would if I could, but I can't.--