THE HEATHEN CHINEE

It was a long winter. The balmy days of Spring were deceptive, for the nights were frosty and cold. But at last the burning sun promises to scorch everything in sight for three long months, mists of steam are rising from the rice fields, and the annual Summer war is on again in China.

Much can be done, if only it doesn't rain. There's the Pekin Government to overthrow as usual. True, no one knows exactly why the government ought to be overthrown. It hasn't passed a prohibition law, or denied that all men are born free and equal, or declared for municipal ownership of laundries. But why be pedantic about such matters? It's the principle of the thing that counts--principle and force of habit. In June every Chinaman just naturally marches on Pekin.

Then there are the foreigners. They are always there--more and more of them. The good old Boxer days were the days of real sport. Carpenter Hay didn't hang the open door right. This famous portal swings only one way--in, always in. It's high time, says almond-eyed Chu-Chin-Chow, to declare a Monroe Doctrine for China, including "exploitation" along with "colonization" in the text. Perhaps he doesn't like having his affairs regulated by strange, jabbering merchants and ship's cooks. And who shall say him nay? After all, the "heathen Chinee" may be human--who knows?--just like all the other heathen.