COSMIC GEOGRAPHY

Recently people have neglected a subject which was once considered quite important. In the dashes to the poles and the outer layers of the terrestrial atmosphere, hell has been left severely alone, and some hardy folk have even denied its existence. But after a long investigation, Dr. Boutz of Munich, who apparently has not lost interest, has decided that hell is at the center of the earth. This, of course, accounts for the volcanoes, which are simply safety valves to protect future inmates, and also for the earthquakes, which are due to the "daily dozens" of the present residents.

Dr. Bautz, however, is nearly thirty centuries behind the times. In 1037 B. C. an indefatigable adventurer named Ulysses visited the sulphurous regions, interviewed the prominent people and returned with an exceedingly graphic report. Somewhat later, an equally daring gentleman, Aeveas, accomplished the same feat, and confirmed the account of his predecessor in every respect. Collaboration seems most improbable, since these men had been conspicuous as enemies in the "Great War".

Nevertheless, others less active have sought for Hades in the Sun, in Mars, or in the Moon, where no one could conceivably send them on a party or conquest or exploration. The reliable accounts furnished by Homer and Virgil have been largely disregarded, although as late as the thirteenth century Dante found that the devil was still doing business at the old stand in spite of the fact that Inferno seems to have been going through the Glacial Period just then. But now science has rediscovered what the ancients knew all the time.

The location of Heaven has been less eagerly sought, and consequently there is less trustworthy information. John Kendrick Bangs presents a very plausible picture, but unfortunately he has neither mathematical calculations nor personal knowledge to back him up. The distance from Earth to Paradise has been found, for it is known that it took Mulciber "from morn to noon, from noon to dewy eve, a summer's day" to fall from the pearly gates to the isle of Lemnos; but so far the direction is indeterminate. Perhaps Dr. Bautz, encouraged by the Homeric corroboration of his scientific computations, will enlist the aid of Einstein and F. Scott Fitzgerald to find on just which side of Paradise this infested sphere is whirling.