ASK DAD

Some sage has discovered that the hair on the top of the head has nothing to do with the brains inside. At least, such is the implication of a recent bit of news from Columbia. Of course it has to do with the psychological tests. A large group of graduates, it appears, gathered for the Alumni Day exercises, fell into a discussion as to whether or not their brains were as sharp as those of the present Freshmen: and to settle the question, playfully decided to submit themselves to the curious quiz that makes or mars a mentality. The deed was done. The results were announced as "satisfactory".

The outcome should but will not be tremendous. Mentality has been brought down to dead level. A baby playing with his toes merely doing psychological sums: a Falstaff plucking at the counterpane is but rearranging psychological squares and triangles; all are equalized by the cataclysmic "How much is 3 Times S?".

In these cases, all the blue-book phrases-and pen-point terms of the undergraduate are rendered useless; in fact, he might have slept through all his brain fresh. Neo-platonism, Transcendentalism, and all the other pat lecture-room labels go by the board--to drag them into a psychological test would only prove that he had not "the brains he was born with". Nor is the graduate better served. Experience, practice in practical affairs, greater maturity get him no more than a gentlemanly "satisfactory" when he competes with his children or grandchildren!

Still, there is some comfort left. The same dispatch that announces this epoch-making event also states that no detailed report of the test was made. No doubt the examiner feared the outburst of parricides and infanticides that must surely follow if he should set son against father and father against son with the report of "better' or "worse"; and decided instead to cool the smoldering fires with a soothing "satisfactory".

But whatever the final decision on this nerve-racking matter, human nature will probably remain the same. Should the graduates turn out to be the cleverer, "Ask Dad" is a rather comforting motto at times. Should the Freshmen more than hold their ground, it will only confirm the opinion that education is not all it's cracked up to be, any way.