FLEEING FUNNY MEN CORNERED

The retreating Lampoon forces have at last been driven so far by the CRIMSON army that they can retreat no further, and a titanic battle is believed to be imminent. According to information received last night from authoritative sources, we feel comparatively safe in stating that perhaps, unless unseen factors intervene, the two bodies of troops ought to meet at Carlosriverrink, near Newells-on-Charles, this afternoon at 3.30 o'clock, if not sooner or later.

The Lampoon soldiers, tired with running away, will be no match for the CRIMSON Alpine chasseurs. As a result another CRIMSON victory will make even more glorious the resplendent page of the CRIMSON'S military exploits.

Tag Day for Lampoon Relief Fund.

Students of the University will be given an opportunity tomorrow to give their mite to mitigate the suffering of those made desolate by the war. The Lampoon Relief Fund Committee, which is taking care of injured and otherwise malmed Lampooners, will supervise the collection. The tags will be sold at Herrick's and the Subway station.