A DISSERTATION ON MUSTACHES.

What the average girl doesn't know about mustaches nobody can tell her. It would be the most outrageous presumption. Some people have one idea about a mustache and some another, but there is no mistake about it on the part of a young woman. She knows exactly what the mustache is for, and there is no one who can get quite as much use out of it as the girl who fully understands her business. The mustache, she knows very well, is made to season kisses with, and in many instances kisses derive more than two-thirds of their sweetness from the character of the mustache. Something depends upon the color sometimes, and often the texture is a matter of real consideration. To some, however, the mustache in any color or in any way is such a perfectly lovely thing that the girl is not particular as to small matters if it is only a-mustache. That there shall be a mustache is entirely essential. There would be no real sweetness in life without it, and not one girl in 800 would ever fall in love if it were not for the mustache. It is just the nicest thing ever invented to fall in love with, and no young man in his right mind ever fails to take advantage of it. The mustache ought to be given plenty of room to grow, and let us hope the drought of the last summer has not retarded it.[Phila. Times.