AT INFINITY.

I HAVE always been of a mathematical turn of mind, and lately I have developed into an inventive genius. In the first place, I invented questions that floored the instructor in Mathematics o; then I got up a table which, being written on one inch of cuff, will solve all problems of the differential calculus; and, finally, I invented a mathematical motor. Without telling the secret of this (which of course I intend to keep to myself) I can tell that, impelled by this motor, one can sail through boundless realms of space with the speed of thought.

I was just putting the finishing touch on my machine one evening, when suddenly it started of itself, and, catching me in its arms, threw me off into space. I knew nothing more until I found myself lying in a desolate plain before a high city-wall. A man was bending over me, whispering to himself something that sounded like "Sad! so young!" when I rose to my feet, and convinced him that nothing was the matter with me.

Glad to have been deceived in my condition, and learning that I was a stranger, he offered to show me the city. I asked where I was, and the man replied that the place was Infinity. This answer prepared me for the wonders I was to see.

As soon as I entered the city, I noticed that the sides of the streets, being parallel, were continually meeting and tripping up unwary travellers. I soon learned, however, to walk with my legs crossed, as all the natives had to do. My eyes troubled me a great deal; the eyes of the natives were set exactly parallel, so that the peculiarities of parallel lines were overcome. I have no time to speak of the city, - of the grand public buildings, with all their sides parallel; of the reservoirs in the lowest part of the town, with the water carefully walled in to keep it from running up and creating a flood, - but I will pass on to the Museum of the University.

At the outer gate I noticed a stone shaft that I found to be one of the circular points at Infinity, the end of the axis of the universe. On entering the Museum I saw a statue inscribed, "To D. P. G. A. T." "This was the American Inner Secretary," said my guide; "he was killed by a tribe of Indians who lived near Boston; a dinner was then given in honor of his memory, and by the sale of tickets, funds for this statue were raised. Great disputes arose about the affair, however, and the monument was sent here for safe-keeping." Near by was a machine like a coffee-mill, with a trumpet-shaped mouth. "This," said my friend, 'is the great Tunnylaff or Marking-machine. It is in use in the Great College at America. A student's name is put in the hopper, the wheel is turned, and the mouth immediately speaks a number, which is the distinguishing mark of the student. The machine talks three languages, Latin, German, and English." The next curiosity was an ancient mummy, bandaged with red tape. "This mummy has an interesting history. Its name, written on the bandage there, has been variously interpreted as Coarser and Forcer, though the balance of scholarship favors the latter. It was undisputed autocrat of the Great American College for many years; but finally its course in a government lottery so disgusted its subjects that it was blown up one night by bombs in the great square of the College. His body was embalmed and sent here."

"How can that be?" I exclaimed; "I have just come from the Great College, and I assure you that no ruler of the College was ever so treated."

"Ah, you forget the difference in time. You must remember that, though this is the 19th century all over the universe, yet we, being an infinite distance west of the earth, hear of every thing there several centuries before the actual occurance. We are three hundred years ahead of their time; while Minus Infinity, the same distance on the other side of the earth, is three centuries behind the time on earth. This occasioned a laughable error at Minus Infinity a few centuries ago. We had just found out that the world was coming to an end in the 25th century; we were then hearing from the 18th century on earth; we therefore sent word to Minus Infinity that in seven hundred years would happen the destruction of the world. But they, forgetting to transpose our system of time to theirs, announced that the end of the world would happen near the end of the 19th century. An old woman who happened to be there carried the news back to earth, where it created some stir at the time."

Just then I saw an old man showing some invention of his in a corner of the room. "That is Fourth Dimension, our greatest philosopher. He is the inventor of the process by which a wooden box may be turned inside out. He is showing his latest discovery." I approached him to see the novelty, when behold! it was my mathematical motor! "Thief," I cried, "that invention is mine! "Snatching it from his hand, I was about to hide it from the spectators, when it started off, and, taking me with it, suddenly landed me unhurt at home.