THE 'ALF AND 'ALFS.

THEY have come and gone. "Welcome(?) the coming, speed the parting guest." It has truly been said "they cease because the grinders are few" and "much study is a weariness of the flesh."

After the examinations come conditions, and we shall all probably be as successful as usual, perhaps more so.

In German it is reported that the marks are very low, ranging from um to steen per cent. Here is a translation which only received raty-ta-teenths per cent.

SCENE. - Fast's study. On a table in the centre are dust-covered books, on top of which are empty sardine boxes and beer bottles; webs on the ceiling; beetles and spiders flitting through the air. Before the fire stands Fast roasting an oyster. Day breaking.

FAST. - How my eyes ache! How my head hums! Oh! that I could have gone to Miss Vasaline's German to-night instead of memorizing those Chinese books for to-morrow's examination.

Day still breaking. Old Fel., disguised as special student, with bull pup skips in.

OLD FEL. - Why linger ye in these sombre shades? In distant city there is a ball. Turn aside and come with me. Become renowned by being first in the car, first in town, and first in the heart of Parker's.

Day still breaking. More little fels skip in; proctors heard in the distance.

FAST. - Hello, chum, how about the roller-skates? I, going to the ball this eve? Well, not this eve. Have an exam. this A. M.

Annex maids flitting through the air chanting.

Take a girl,

Have a whirl;

You refuse?

Oh! you goose,

What a churl.

OLD FEL. - Not so, Fast, my boy. I will waft you into the arms of Athena. Look in this glass of Shampagnie water; there you will perceive the image of her whose name is Sozodont, for she is many; she will soothe your aching brow.

Day still breaking. Proctors approaching nearer and nearer; little fels skip out; Old Fel. breathes, and both he and Fast disappear; proctors chant.

Special here,

Whom we ween

Before the Dean

Will appear.

They skip in, dance around, and skip out. Day breaks; great crash.

QUEST. - Write the substance of your translation in four words.

ANS. - Day-breaking, day breaks.

In History the marks run from eleven black to thirty-four red. Here are extracts from a book marked thirty-two red.

QUEST. - State what you know about the Spanish marriage.

ANS. - There was none, but Prince Charlie and the Buck of Dukingham, disguised as Tom and Jerry, started out in search of the golden fleas. They were arrested on suspicion of being students, but the Golden Buck clearly showed by his language that he had never studied, and Charlie said he was a "subby," so they released them. They then went to Spain. There one day they met the infatuating infanta, escorted by a large and pleasing bull pup.

When she saw Charlie's auburn ringlets, she smiled sweetly and said in Spanish, "Are you going to the Op. this afternoon?" Charlie replied in English, "Fairest maid, cast your drooping skylights upon me, for I have loved you from youth." At this touching appeal the infanta was about to faint, but the Buck tossed her a bottle of Hop Bitters, which she eagerly swallowed. As she began to revive the bull pup began to look unhappy, so they hastily left her muttering "Oh! Selladoor!? Charlie, leaning on the Buck's arm, walked home, and was sick with the measles for a long time afterwards. (No more time here.)

QUEST. - Explain the oath ex officio.

ANS. - It is used by men who are turned out of office and by those who never get one.

QUEST. - Explain distinctly the different tribunals of the Dean's chamber.

ANS. - Will look it up between 3 and 5 this P.M.

QUEST. - Compare the characters of King James and his son Charles.

ANS. - Jimmie always took Apollinaris Water in the morning. Charlie preferred a "bracer." Jimmie believed in the proverb, "Spare the rod and spoil the child;" Charlie didn't. Jimmie thought it the best policy always to borrow, never to lend; so did Charlie. To sum up, their characters were similar in many respects and very different in others; it has often fitly been said of them that they were "clinky and didn't congeal."