PETITIONS MADE EASY.

DESIROUS of becoming a benefactor of my race, of serving my fellow-students, and of writing an article for the Crimson, I have developed a plan which cannot fail to be of inestimable advantage to all concerned. Owing to the fact that the past winter has been unusually trying to the Harvard constitution, much sickness and many unavoidable absences from college exercises have resulted. I have, therefore, just patented my AITEGRAPH (Greek for petition-writer); a machine simple in construction, warranted for four years, - with a cut attachment, for recording absences from prayers, and a register, for noting down the rapidity of process and the number of impressions made. My invention is of such a sort that anybody, without previous instruction, can, within three minutes, produce a perfect petition.

There is a stereotype-plate, from which impressions of a set form of petition, with blanks for date and excuse, may rapidly be printed off. The student writes upon a slip of paper his age, college class, the address of the superintendent of the Sunday school which he attends, and his mother's maiden name. He drops this into a little box; below is a sealed compartment in which are one thousand assorted excuses; turning the crank of the machine, the proper excuse drops out.

The aitegraph cannot get out of order, unless it rust for want of constant use. The cut attachment will last a lifetime, and the register is warranted never to make mistakes nor wear out. Each petition will be original and convincing. The Freshman petition will be timid, uncertain, but innocent; the Sophomore, ingenious, but insincere; the Junior, reckless; the Senior, independent, but having a "matter-of-course" air. From a moral point of view the new device is unobjectionable, since no one will be responsible for the nature of his petition.

Samples of the aitegraph have been sent to the Ferocity, and I have offered them an elegant crayon portrait of myself for every five machines sold by them or their agents. It is my aim to reach every Harvard student, including the Annex.