ACCOUNTS; AS THEY ARE AND AS THEY GO HOME.

STROLLING into a friend's room last night, I found him seated at his desk, with his coat off, collar unbuttoned, hair rumpled, and on his face an agonizing expression of misery.

"Why, Jack," said I, alarmed at his haggard looks, "what on earth is the matter with you? Have you had an unhappy experience with Charley Dean of Deanville, or has your wayward fancy entangled you in some awful scrape with a fair siren of the Port?"

"Worse than that, worse than that," groaned Jack. "It's the first of the month, and my accounts are not begun yet; the governor came down on me last month, says he 's had enough of $5 charity, $5 sundries, &c., and that in future I must keep my accounts exact. O Al, if matches were made in heaven, accounts certainly were made somewhere else; say, you 're accustomed to manufacture something out of nothing on the Crimson, help me to manufacture $50 worth of accounts from nothing."

"Well, but, Jack, have n't you any idea where this money went?"

"Not much; fifteen to the crew, ten for a supper in town last week, and four dollars for pool today. Of course I can't put down the two last, as, if there is anything that the head of the family abominates, it is after-theatre suppers and billiard-halls. As for the rest of the money, I don't know where it's gone. You don't suppose I go round with a little book in my pocket, and every time I treat a fellow to Vichy, put down 'Vichy (treat to Jack) 10 cts.' I am not so miserly as that."

"Well, Jack, how much have you left?"

"About five dollars."

"We 'll say then $7.63; it looks like business to have some odd cents on hand, and now to work."

After two hours' labor we cooked up the following exact accounts, which were duly forwarded and no doubt proved satisfactory. I recommend them to all Freshmen laboring under the infliction of a father "of business habits."

EXPENSES.

Nov. 1. Dues Soc. Christian Breth. $5.00

Nov. 3. Text-books; Vichy 3.10

Nov. 5. Bible (college) rebound; billiards 1.75

Nov. 8. Crew subscription; express bill 16.15

Nov. 10. Lecture on astronomy; cravats 2.75

Nov. 13. Collection for foreign missions; theatre 3.00

Nov. 16. Crimson subscription; soda-water 2.60

Nov. 18. Art Museum; postage-stamps 1.15

Nov. 23. Dues St. Paul's Society; supper 5.62

Nov. 25. Car tickets; cigarettes 1.25

Nov. 31. On hand 7.63

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$50.00

RECEIPTS.

Nov. 1. Father $50.00