AN OPEN LETTER.

TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE COLLEGE TELEGRAPH CO.

DEAR SIR, - Learning that your company is negotiating with the Freshmen for (financial) strength enough to draw its last breath, I have taken the liberty of addressing you concerning the introduction of the new wonder, - the Telephone. This invention once introduced at Harvard would immediately raise the Telegraph Company to a position never before reached, and also would cover the officers of that company with everlasting glory.

The advantages that would attend its introduction are so many that the enumeration of a few will suggest hundreds of others, for there is no limit to the usefulness of the new invention. There would be no more weary hours spent in the ill-ventilated recitation-rooms, which your papers are continually harping upon; nor would the deplorable condition of the walks cause any inconvenience to the students. The instructor could sit in his cosey library and ask his questions, and the student could answer while rolling another cigarette. As for those students who would be likely to read their answers out of their books (although I think there are none of that kind in Harvard), their case could be attended to by the army of proctors, who have little else to do.

The societies, association meetings, etc., would no longer be without quorums. For a small additional consideration, too, I could secure connections with the leading theatres, and thus the wearisome horse-cars would be avoided. It may be objected that one would not see the actresses, yet, if I remember rightly, the many and excellent pictures which I have seen in the students' rooms would obviate this difficulty. Think of the resident of Holworthy comfortably arrayed in smoking jacket and slippers, his favorite meerschaum between his lips, at his side a pile of pictures from which he selects the photograph of her who is at the time singing his favorite song in his favorite opera bouffe: The room is filled with the music as it comes quickly over the wires, and he, forgetting himself, joins in the applause.

The introduction of the telephone would at once rid many students from the necessity of going to chapel, while the minds of others, being freed from the necessity of inventing excuses, could be turned to some profitable employment. But the great revolution which the telephone would accomplish is in the matter of summonses, which would be changed so as to read, "Mr. - is directed to complete his telephonic circuit with the Register's office on - day next at 3.27 P. M."

Trusting that you will lay this communication before the members of your company, and that before long I shall have the pleasure of aiding you to enjoy one of the greatest advantages of the nineteenth century, I am

Very respectfully yours,

T. E. LE PHONE,Agent for the World.