JONES'S DIARY.

OCT. 1. Whereas it becometh a Sophomore to "lay aside childish things," and with his cane and beaver to assume a more manly and dignified character, not aping the manner of a street-car driver; Resolved, that I buy a copy of The Science of a New Life and a large diary, in order that I may daily live in accordance with the precepts of the one and enter the results in the other.

Oct. 2. Rose at 5 A. M., took a cold bath, and studied till Prayers. Squirted in Latin. Six hours at the Gymnasium. Bed at 9 P. M. How glorious is this new sensation of perfect health!

Oct. 3. Got up at 6 A. M. That seems early enough. In fact, I think Cowan is a little too strong in his statements. Burned my cigarette papers, gave away my pipes, and swore never to use tobacco again. Never! I am also going to Commons. I think the plain but nutritious food will be beneficial to me.

Oct. 4. Miserable headache all day. I had to take one little cigarette. They are very harmless; more than half paper. Deaded in Mathematics. I have always been more interested in Nature than Mathematics, and think I shall change to Nat. Hist.; besides, it is easier. No Gymnasium.

Oct. 11. Given up my cold bath, as I find I can't get to Prayers if I take it. Lost six pounds in weight.

Oct. 15. Cowan must be wrong about tobacco. I have begun smoking again. I think it immoral to swear off. Private for Prayers. Warning in Physics, - quite uncalled for, as I am sure I did half the paper.

Oct. 23. Too sick to study, so cut all day, but went to see Lydia Thompson at night. She is splendid! I don't believe a word about her being over forty-five! Eliza Wethersby was charming! Seven of us took seats together and threw bouquets. She looked at us more than at any other part of the house. Must go again. Had a little supper at Parker's. For all Cowan says against late suppers, it is n't healthy to go to bed hungry, I believe.

Oct. 24. Headache all day. Have returned to my club-table. "Slum" may be cheap and healthy, but I lose too much flesh on it. Have given up Gymnasium. Walking is far healthier, even around a billiard-table.

Oct. 25. Went to the burlesque again to-night. More bouquets and melting glances from her languishing orbs in return. I applied at the stage door and sent in my card. She refused me an interview. Despair! Tried to drown sorrow after the most approved fashion. Missed the last car in consequence. Smith and Brown said they liked nothing better than walking out of a moonlight night, and watching the reflection of the-lunar rays in the water as they crossed the bridge. I know it was raining hard, and the reflection was only that of the street-lamp shining on the wet bricks. As we came through the Port, Smith, after reflection, concluded that there-were too many lights, and tried to put some of them out by tossing stones at them. I thought he succeeded, for I heard breaking glass, and it grew dark; but, of course, as it was dark, I couldn't see certainly whether he had put the light out or not, and so climbed up to examine. Hearing a shout, I looked down and saw policeman with hand on both Smith and Brown, also policeman's white bulldog sitting exactly in front of post and looking up into my face. He had such a yearning, beseeching look about his jaws that I decided to come down. Followed my friends down to the station. It would have been cowardly to have run away; besides, the dog kept close to my heels. Expenses, $25 and costs; $10 to the reporter to keep my name out of his paper. I must write for more money. What if this should leak out? What would Cowan say?

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Nov. 5. Father says I am spending too much money, - absurd! of course, he wants his son to live like a gentleman, - and, if I am going to be sick so much, it might be cheaper to retain a physician by the year, or leave college. How ridiculous! Summoned by the Dean for snow-balling; suggested that an All-wise Providence had not given the ground its fleecy covering for nothing, had also given us hands to use; could it be possible that, if it was wrong to snow-ball, Providence would so tempt us? Result: public for snow-balling, private for insolence. Truly, Justice is well represented in pictures with her handkerchief tied over her eyes!

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Dec. 15. How deceptive are all human affairs! Cowan is a fraud; and this is my last entry in any diary. I don't like the business. It's unpleasant.

I write this in Concord, where I intend to pass the rest of the year. It seems that the reporter I bribed kept his promise, and did not put my name into his paper, but kindly furnished it, with full particulars, - drawing largely on his imagination, - to all the other journals in the city. A few days after, the following letter brought sorrow to the parental roof-tree:-

CARVARD HOLLEGE, Dec. -,187-.- JONES, SR.

Dear Sir, - In accordance with a vote of the Faculty, it is my duty to inform you that your son, - Jones, of the - Class, is suspended from all college exercise until the beginning of the next academic year, for conduct unbecoming a gentleman. Yours, very truly,

-, Dean of Faculty.I intended to have the letter stereotyped to preserve the chirography.

There is nothing here to distract the attention; and where could one study better than in the birthplace of Emerson? I have given Cowan to the town library, and shall turn over a new leaf when I return to college.